When I first experienced lost fatherhood to abortion I was 18. At that time (the late 80s) most Pro-Life groups I knew of were the kind that waved signs that said things like “baby killer” and “burn in hell”. Some of the signs even showed pictures of mangled fetuses. 

The other interesting thing I remember is these groups claimed to be Christian. 

Now, I already had wrong views of God that stemmed from the church I grew up in. But seeing where these “Chrstians” came down on abortion and, more importantly, the people who experienced abortion loss, pushed me further and further from God. This is the case for many moms and dads. 

Then came the 1990s. I watched as folks that, again, claimed to be Christians shot abortion doctors and commited violence against abortion providers. 

During my short time living in Alabama in that same decade I once heard a pastor speak on the evils of abortion. He assured everyone in the congregation that, if they experienced abortion, they would surely burn in hell and there was no forgiveness. 

Thank God (literally) that at around 30 years old I found my way back to God. That came via a pastor and a church of humble believers that were strong in their faith and willing to openly share the Gospel. 

Ok, fast forward to about a decade ago.
I began a recovery journey to heal after my lost fatherhood. Resources were scarce and especially so for men. But I still found materials and the help I needed to find peace.

A couple of years ago I published “Almost Daddy: The Forgotten Story”. When the novel hit I had praise from both sides of the abortion debate. Sure, they were mostly friends, but still, people could see the story I told was about hope and healing and one man’s experiences.And they could also see that the story wasn’t political. It was, in short, a story, the point of which is ultimately restored relationship with God. 

In the sixteen months since the novel came out I have talked to various groups all over the country. I have also been very blessed to get to know many leaders of pro-life organizations. And, I have spent more time on a few social media platforms promoting my book and the message. 

Many of the leaders and groups I now know believe, as I do, that the best way to end abortion in this country is to provide healing to men and women who have experiened abortion loss. Unfortunately, there are many groups who still spread the same message of anger and, truly, hate. This pulls at many post-abortive moms and dads sense of toxic shame and drives them further away from healing. 

Now, to break for a moment and look at the “other side” of this thing…

Via my social media involvement I have interacted with dozens of pro-choice individuals. For the most part there is no real conversation possible. But that’s not the point. What is the point is their talking points, their mantras and their conclusions. 

Now, most of their talking points, etc lack logic, scientific backup or compassion. But they are indeed unified. I understand this in part comes from group-think mentalities but that’s not all of it.And we really don’t have time here to get into the psychological dynamics of what they are doing and why. But suffice to say that,  even though most of their “points” are wrong, they are often the loudest voices in the room. And so their message carries the farthest. 

Meanwhile, here on the pro-life side, I have been blasted by a noteable number of folks that are committed to the anger, hatred and toxic shaming that hasn’t worked for decades…and likely won’t any time soon.  

We can change laws. Are we changing hearts? We can hold rallies and protests. Are we reaching the hurting? 

So groups can answer a resounding “yes!”. But far too many cannot. What’s worse, the ones who can’t seem to feel a sense of self-righteousness about it. 

And then there are the post-abortion healing groups. I am connected to many. But a notable number of these groups are insulated and isolated. They seemingly operate in a vacuum. So we have dozens of groups with the same goal, releasing similar material and trying to reach the same people. 

This may be the most important place for unity to show up. 

Yes, having all of the pro-life community committed to helping those that are hurting would be amazing. And yes, that includes hurting women on their way into a clinic…as well as folks whose clinic visit is in the past. 

If we can work together and find solutions together we can not only end the demand for abortion in the US, but we can also bring healing to millions. And in healing, we can help people find a path to restored relationship with God. That should be the primary goal.